Moving Hands from Mouths to Hearts

-Lilian, I want to talk to you about something. Guy paused and took a deep breath, holding it longer than normal.  But, here... he took her hand and held it against his chest, right over his heart. Feel that?

-Yeah.

-I'm a little nervous. He looked at Lilian's dark eyes and long lashes, their youth big and bright on her inquiring face. She took her hand from over Guy's fluttering heart and asked what he's thinking. Well, Lil... he paused again, the silence so loud he found his thoughts being distracted from leaving his tongue. The last thing I want is for anything to threaten our relationship--our friendship.  We've known each other for nearly six years and we've seen each other both running and crawling through our lives.  We've seen each other broken and we've seen each other restored. Everything that we've been through these years, we have experienced together.

Lilian was laying on her stomach beside Guy and rolled to her side to face him as he developed his sentences.  He wasn't his usual confident self, his speech broken by hesitation and extreme care in word choice.  Obviously he had something on his mind that shook him into this foreign character.  He fell into a pause again and Lilian took the chance to reassure him she was attentive to what he was saying.  We have, she said.

Guy breathed deep again, Fuck it. I'll just say it. Guy clutched the pillow beneath his body and, from his belly, turned to face Lily.  This past month, the time we've been spending with one another has meant so much to me.

-Me too, encouraged Lily.

-But more than usual.  Lily, I really like you and not until you came home had I realized what a truly beautiful and unique and matured human you are.  I mean... he cleared his throat and squirmed a bit on his side... I think that you and I share something unbelievable, a friendship of astounding strength and honesty, something that I look for in a woman I want to be with beyond friendship.

Lily dropped her head onto the pillow under her and looked up, away from Guy. I agree, she said. We do have something uncommon.

-And as I noticed these feelings I have, my friends noticed them too. And I hold the advice and opinions of my friends with my faith in the friendship.  Friendship balances on the fulcrum of communication where talking about and talking to each other meet.  Rob and Shel both gave me perspective on how I act around you, pointing out nuances in me that change.  Guy shifted once again, setting his hand as a stand beneath his head, still facing Lilian.  They asked me why we aren't dating and I couldn't give them a good answer.

Lily looked back to Guy, studying his features, how he held a single brow above the other and how his eyes bounced over hers searching for a response. I, uh... I don't know what to say. She returned to looking away from Guy. 

-I just wanted to let you know that this is how I feel.  Are you against the idea of us making something more of our relationship?  I'm not expecting us to leave this conversation with some sort of label or anything...

-No, I know, she interrupted.  I don't have anything to say, which is most certainly not saying no. Looking back to Guy, Lilian continued, something was said to me and it got me thinking too.  Guy's lips parted and gave way to a smile, his body not nearly as tense and his features relieved. 

-So you're not against the idea?

-No, she said, I'm not.

-I guess that leaves my worry of mutuality with either yes or maybe. Guy breathed deep once more and smiled again, I'm glad.

-Me too, she said. Wanna cigarette?

-Yes I do.  With that, Guy grabbed his American Spirits and Zippo and jacket to step into the chilling night air with Lilian close behind, reaching for his available hand.