So, let's add one more shovel full of shit to the big, stinking heap I've been accumulating over the past couple of weeks.
I missed out on Max's 21st birthday party on Tuesday. That, on its own upset me, seeing that I was too sick to move even from my own bed to the bathroom and slept with a trash can next to me. I wanted to go to his party, he's the closest friend I have. We've experienced much of life these past few years together and I've learned a lot through him. Apparently someone at the party was under the assumption that I was in Laguna Beach rather than the party, and that spread to him. That's just fucked up.
I know he's hurt, cuz he thought I was with some chick rather than celebrating his birthday with him. He, like Kristi, hasn't returned phone calls or texts, so I left him a message telling him how upset I am that I wasn't able to make it to his party, and I hope that he'd understand how sick I was not to make it. There wasn't a place I'd rather be than celebrating his birthday with him. I don't know how I can make it up to him, but I can only hope he realizes how sick I was not to go and that the fuckup who said I was in Laguna should be smacked in the face or kicked in the balls (depending on who it was).
This year is ending so smoothly. At least finals are almost over.
There's been a new addition to Cal State San Marcos University's plate of controversey (not like there's been too much of it anyway). It's called "The University Hour". It's an hour taken out of class schedules, university wide, between 12 and 1 to be used for eating lunch/socialization/university advertising/shameless self-promotion/ whatever-you-wanna-do-for-an-hour. A lot of students have been complaining. I did initially. But then I figured out how useful it was if I needed to get some reading done. THEN I discovered how useful for going to lunch it could be. And better yet, like today, how great the hour could be spent at Churchill's. The pub down the street. 2 Games of pool, A Guiness, a Red Trolley, and aplate of fries later I'm sitting in class, and for some reason actually really enjoying it... not that I'm paying attention or anything...
I was scanning through some of my recent posts and realized how dreary, cynical, and pessimistic they all are. So, in an attempt to brighten up this sick, sad little story, I had to think... "What will make this happier? Monkeys make me smile. Post something about monkeys. Better yet... post a video about monkeys!"
So here's the journal brightening monkey movie:
Crude... yes even repulsive... but I laughed.
Hey, you! Please don't be grateful
Just let me dream. I'm not hateful
For what you gave me, then ran away.
I'll leave this be, it's not shameful
I feel unleashed, We weren't wasteful
With things we never had
I won't be had, I'm FINE!
But there's no connection through
Your telephone line,
Though, there's nothing you can say,
Nothing you can do to explain,
I don't trust, the gaping path between us.
I'll leave this be, it's not shameful.
It's not easy, but it's not painful.
I'll leave this be, I'm not blameful
Our worlds seem to clash... ungraceful.
I'll leave this be, don't be hateful.
I'm not angry. We weren't wasteful
With things we never had.
I should have been taking notes in Literary Commentary, but I had other things on my mind.
When I should be working on a response paper, I'd rather be moaning on my computer to the semi-faceless audience that reads these posts. Thanks for reading?
I'm not a depressed type of individual. I'm cynical and often pessimistic, but not unhappy. I'm not easily excited, but I'm usually wearing 3 things: my chucks on my feet, a rubberband on my wrist, and a smile of some sort on my face. Well, only two of the three have been present lately and my chucks and my rubberband haven't gone anywhere. I'm not sure where to pin-point the root of my lack of smiles to, but it isn't all that fun. I skipped out on one of my best friends' 21st birthday party last night, after he did so much for me on my 21st. I feel kinda shitty, but I really wouldn't have enjoyed it, since I don't know most of his other friends, save maybe 4 or 5. I know my presence wasn't exactly missed seeing that one keg can replace 3.5 people without their absence being noticed. I called him at 7 last night, while I was in the embrace of my blankets, and told him I wasn't going 'cuz my stomach still wasn't feeling 100%. It wasn't, but I would have survived had I gone.
I'm urged to say that this whole Kristi bullshit is playing a hand in this depressing poker game, as well as finals, work, sickness, and a couple of other minor factors... (wow... Alice in Chains just came on the radio... I have to stop for a minute.) but the Kristi situation's holding aces and I'm sitting with a nine and two at the moment. I have to start this ramble by stating that I don't regret anything that I've done or said with her. I have always been honest and giving, and I thought that it was going both ways. After three weeks of not seeing her and only two or three conversations the entire time -- after talking two or three times a day -- I can't help but feel that I lost something. I haven't said anything rude or offensive... I haven't even talked to her about that whole Texan bit. It just really sucks being left in the dark. I think I can put that on my 'most hated' list. Nothing feels worse than someone knowing something that you don't when it involves you. Especially when it concerns someone that you did have feelings of some sort for. We went out to dinner in Venice, went to parties at her school, made face at fundraisers for her charity group, held intelligent and interesting conversations, and had some sweet, sweet sex... Things that I assumed would put a pair of individuals beyond the 'fuck buddy' relationship.
This just really sucks... I know I'm not bummed about the sex thing... I can get that anywhere if I really need it, but I'm not as horny, surprisingly, as most men ;) I can get intelligent conversation from any one of my friends... I don't subject myself to morons and I have plenty of 'girlfriends' that I can go out and do things with. I'm just bummed that this might have to end on a question mark. I don't like leaving a mystery because it keeps me up at night, and the little sleep I do get can't be threatened by something that has the ability to be resolved.
Well thanks for reading, my faceless crowd, and I'm sorry your brain has been polluted with my miserable post, but I appreciate it.
cheers
adam
To start... I don't like gossip columnists... I especially find Michael Musto utterly useless. He's a douchebag and gets paid to make the most pathetic jokes I have ever heard. I can't believe people actually find assholes like him entertaining. HE'S NOT FUNNY!!
I have thoroughly enjoyed a shitty week.
It started last sunday with a day dedicated to writing a paper on Poe and his criticisms. That sucked.
Then sunday night I had a really lame mushroom trip... It was like drinking too much coffee. There was no mind trip... I just couldn't fall asleep for a couple of days.
Then two of my coworkers put in their two weeks on tuesday... unfortunately these guys are my work buddies... shit.
I worked Friday and yesterday, the two busiest days since Thanksgiving and all the customers were assholes and a half.
Then yesterday I pinched something in my back... that's always fun.
This entire week, Kristi hasn't returned my calls or texts... which average once a day, if that. You know, I don't really care if she doesn't want to see me anymore, but she still has my pipe and weed. That's all I want back.
Once I got home around one this morning, I went to bed and woke up twenty minutes past the hour, every hour, dry heaving into the pisser. I kept force feeding myself stuff so that I wouldn't be puking out nothing... but I was only dry heaving. I didn't stop gagging on my tongue until around noon and have had a fever of 101 since. Fuck this.
I just reeeeeally hope that I'm okay by tomorrow cuz I have a 6 page paper I have to start and finish by 4:45.
So this week totally blew... Next week consists of school, work, and house sitting.
cheers
adam
Texans, as of recent, have not been ranking well in my book. Honestly, it is a recent development. It started with Bush and has been continued into this evening:
I get a call from Kristi and of course I'm excited. I haven't talked to her since yesterday and enjoy our conversations. We exchange greetings and then she says, "hey, my friend chris wants to talk to you." I figure, okay, that's cool. The conversation commenced as follows:
Chris- Howdy
Me- Howdy
C- What's yer name?
M- Adam... What's going on, man?
C- Oh nuthin. Jess partyen'
M- Oh, for sure... that's cool.
C- What'd you say? Did ya say fer sher?
M- Yeah
C- What the fuck does that mean?
-- of course... I'm like fanfuckingtastic... I'm dealing with a fucking retard --
M- What? For sure?
C- Yeah. Wuz that mean?
M- Ummm... it's a positive acknowledgment.
-- if I haven't met you in person... yeah... I talk like a dictionary on occasion --
C- What the fuck you talkin like that fer? You gotta get out of California.
M- Why's that?
C- Cuz yer all a bunch uh liberal hippies.
-- I cannot tell you how much restraint it took to tell him to fly his hick ass over here and blow me. --
M- Dude... that's not very cool.
C- Yeah? You gunna sue me?
M- no
C- You wanna fight me then?
-- I haven't experienced such peurility since highschool. --
M- no... can I talk to Kristi?
C- Why dontcha wanna fight me?
M- cuz I have better things to do. Is Kristi there?
-- at this point I stopped paying attention to what he was saying and went to go get a couple beers from the fridge. --
The conversation ended with him saying see ya and my saying for sure. Then he proceeded to hang up.
For all I care, he can go get fucked. What kind of douche bag, son-of-a-bitch gets confrontational the first time they meet someone?
Kristi called me back but I turned off my phone. I was at my close friend Richard's place for the last time before he treks up to Oregon to live with his dad. I don't have time to listen to bull shit like that. If she insists that assholes like that are her friend, I dont need to ruin my last couple hours with my friend on her.
She leaves a very non threatening message calling me a drama queen (non threatening) and apologized for her friends. She said that they aren't too comfortable with her dating a 'California Boy'. WHAT THE FUCK!?
Each and every one of those shits can come and suck my liberal hippie dick. Not one of my friends has showed the slightest hesitation in accepting the fact that I'm seeing a girl from Texas. Are they just bitter that we have a surfable ocean? That our economy is the 4th most aboundant economy in the WORLD behind the states as a whole, China, and Japan? Maybe that the social revolution of the 60's started in San Francisco? Maybe that I can go snowboarding, dirt bike riding in the desert, go surfing, and watch a sunset over the ocean in America's Finest City all within one day and two tanks of gas?
I mean honestly. They need to drop their cute cowboy facade and relalize that they lost the fight for secession and the Alamo.
Fucking smoke a bowl and chill the fuck out!
cheers
adam
Ps... The Alamo comment was harsh... but those infections deserve it.
Texans, as of recent, have not been ranking well in my book. Honestly, it is a recent development. It started with Bush and has been continued into this evening:
I get a call from Kristi and of course I'm excited. I haven't talked to her since yesterday and enjoy our conversations. We exchange greetings and then she says, "hey, my friend chris wants to talk to you." I figure, okay, that's cool. The conversation commenced as follows:
Chris- Howdy
Me- Howdy
C- What's yer name?
M- Adam... What's going on, man?
C- Oh nuthin. Jess partyen'
M- Oh, for sure... that's cool.
C- What'd you say? Did ya say fer sher?
M- Yeah
C- What the fuck does that mean?
-- of course... I'm like fanfuckingtastic... I'm dealing with a fucking retard --
M- What? For sure?
C- Yeah. Wuz that mean?
M- Ummm... it's a positive acknowledgment.
-- if I haven't met you in person... yeah... I talk like a dictionary on occasion --
C- What the fuck you talkin like that fer? You gotta get out of California.
M- Why's that?
C- Cuz yer all a bunch uh liberal hippies.
-- I cannot tell you how much restraint it took to tell him to fly his hick ass over here and blow me. --
M- Dude... that's not very cool.
C- Yeah? You gunna sue me?
M- no
C- You wanna fight me then?
-- I haven't experienced such peurility since highschool. --
M- no... can I talk to Kristi?
C- Why dontcha wanna fight me?
M- cuz I have better things to do. Is Kristi there?
-- at this point I stopped paying attention to what he was saying and went to go get a couple beers from the fridge. --
The conversation ended with him saying see ya and my saying for sure. Then he proceeded to hang up.
For all I care, he can go get fucked. What kind of douche bag, son-of-a-bitch gets confrontational the first time they meet someone?
Kristi called me back but I turned off my phone. I was at my close friend Richard's place for the last time before he treks up to Oregon to live with his dad. I don't have time to listen to bull shit like that. If she insists that assholes like that are her friend, I dont need to ruin my last couple hours with my friend on her.
She leaves a very non treatening message calling me a drama queen (non treatening) and apologized for her friends. She said that they aren't too comfortable with her dating a 'California Boy'. WHAT THE FUCK!?
Each and every one of those shits can come and suck my liberal hippie dick. Not one of my friends has showed the slightest hesitation in accepting the fact that I'm seeing a girl from Texas. Are they just bitter that we have a surfable ocean? That our economy is the 4th most aboundant economy in the WORLD behind the states as a whole, China, and Japan? Maybe that the social revolution of the 60's started in San Francisco? Maybe that I can go snowboarding, dirt bike riding in the desert, go surfing, and watch a sunset over the ocean in America's Finest City all within one day and two tanks of gas?
I mean honestly. They need to drop their cute cowboy facade and relalize that they lost the fight for secession and the Alamo.
Fucking smoke a bowl and chill the fuck out!
cheers
adam
Ps... The Alamo comment was harsh... but those infections deserve it.
