meh...
That's about all I got. Maybe I should consider therapy. I can't seem to climb out of this ditch.
Ooooooh I am in a bad fucking mood today. It's because my mom woke me up with a Christmas bell this morning singing some rendition of jingle bells about decorating the Christams tree. She thought it would be funny. One would think that knowing me for twenty-two years would enlighten my mother to the knowledge that I don't respond well to being woken up like that. That's what they call waking up on the wrong side of the bed. To make it even more obnoxious, it was 8:00. What the fuck? Seriously?
I need to move out.
I've secluded myself to my bedroom to avoid snapping on anyone. My brother cut in front of me with his laundry when I was treating deodorant stains with vodka so now I have to wait an entire cycle of clothes before I can do my goddamn laundry. My rooms a mess cuz I've been so busy with finals this week and it's making me twitch. I was sucking at Guitar Hero this morning too, so that made me even more frustrated.
THEN... Chris posted something talking shit on hippies... that bastard.
Now I'm blaring CKY at the peak of my speakers...
it's helping.
Yeah... this is lame. I'm getting a lot done, but I'm starting to get weak in the arms. I think its called smoking a bowl while enduring a caffeine crash... maybe I'll catch a few winks... it'll just suck balls waking up after only an hour or two of sleep. I'd rather just stay up, get my second wind, come home, then veer into my bed.
Adam's pulling an all nighter tonight!!!! Wooooo!! This is gonna be lame. I gotta go to work, try and convince them to let me go early around 10, finish a paper for my Lit Theory, begin and finish a paper for my Feminsm course, and begin and finish a paper for my linguistics class... fabulous.
If you could perform alongside any artist (actor, dancer, musician, etc.), who would it be, and what would you perform?
Submitted by Kristin.
I would like to perform Down in a Hole alongside Layne Staley... He's dead now, but alive or dead wasn't specified.
I am only eight classes away from graduation... eight. If I take five next semester, my last semester will be cake.
The lame side of this equation is that I found out the science class I'm in this semester... that I'm sitting in right now... won't count for my major since it doesn't have a lab section of the class. fuck. So my options are these:
1. Take the class next semester that is the same as the class I'm in now, just with a lab attached, and convince my professor to let me take just the lab and pass me for the lecture portion since I've already gone through it.
2. Convince the community college to let me take a lab class that is equivalent with the lab I need to take.
3. Take the entire class next semester... which will SUCK.
But still... only eight classes until I'm done. Then what? I don't know. I kinda want to move away... up north somewhere. Oregon perhaps? Humboldt? I plan on continuing my employment with Trader Joes, so I'll be tethered to wherever a TJ's will be. Eugene, Portland, San Francisco... I don't know.
A cloud of nihilism has been hanging above my tangled head for the past few weeks. I'm so over it that I'm nihilistic towards my own nihilism.
I've come to accept that things don't always go the way I expect them to and that things will often work against me. Shit happens and that's that. I can't sit and mope and be all pissy about it because that doesn't solve anything or move me in any direction what-so-ever. I haven't done that, but I'm gonna.
I don't want to list the petty crap that's been infecting my mood, but it's getting really irritating -- uncomfortable and itchy. What needs to be put on the rash, I don't know, but I hope I figure something out soon. This is as public as my apology is gonna get, I'm sorry for being such a pissant to everyone. Sucks, but get over it... it's just a mood swing pushed by a variety of factors.
One of the factors has been Keely. I stopped talking to her about three weeks ago... yeah... this post was the day I decided to stop. I hadn't talked to her as often as usual before that, but there wasn't a conscious decision dictating that lack of communication. Her and I were supposed to go get dinner at Stone that night but I got a text from her saying something like 'I'm not gonna make it to dinner tonight, got bad news from the doctor, need a girls night,' or something to that extent. I called her when I got the text -- she didn't pick up so I left her a message saying 'hey, just wanna talk.' She texted me back a few minutes later saying that she doesn't want to talk about it. That upset me.
What it came down to is this, where Keely locks her doors, shuts her windows, and draws her curtains. I know she wouldn't want to talk about whatever the doctor said... I wouldn't have asked. I've never, ever prodded information from her about anything. What makes her think I'd do it now? With that text, I decided I was done putting forth any fucking effort. I was really into her and loving the time we spent with one another, but if she can't understand that I care enough to just say hi, make contact, assure myself that she is okay, then perhaps I've been wasting my time.
Yesterday Keely came into my work. We hadn't seen each other since before Halloween. She came through my checkstand, I asked her how she's doing, how school is, if she'd moved into her new place yet... very topical stuff. I was done with what we had... still am, so any attempt to get together with her hadn't crossed my mind. As she was pulling her stuff together, she asked me what I've got going on this week. I told her nothing but school. "Well, it's been too long." She said. "Yeah? Gimme a call," is how I responded.
And the world keeps turning. I gotta go to class.
I'm proud of myself. I don't surround myself with feats to be overcome, or with difficult tasks, but when one comes along and I kick its ass I'm a happy Adam. I replaced my window that was smashed all by myself. I ordered the glass Saturday, picked it up today, and installed it without a clue as to what I was getting into. Might I addthat it was done flawlessly... minus an indent in the paneling and a bruise on my hand.
Yay me!
P.S. I hope the cunt who stole my skateboard falls and breaks his neck.
Are you a good dancer or do you have two left feet? What's your signature dance move?
Dancing is something I have confidence in. I know dancers, I dance with the dancers, and they invite me back to go clubbing. Through the powers of deduction I must be proficient in my boogie. I've danced with girls that I am challenged to keep up with and I've danced with girls that need to be led. I love swing dancing... wow, haven't done that in a long time. I used to be in swing club at school and got pretty good. I'd go out to Nieman's in Carlsbad and swing to live music all the time. I just lack a partner these days I guess.
Jesus Christ... can this week get any fucking lamer?
I need to crawl into a hole tonight, curl up, sleep, and start again.
