4 posts tagged “drugs”
With glistening skin under radical, exploding stars and spaceships rocketing from the corners of my eye with expanding souls lying beneath, each atom, every molecule, all tissue, whole matter vibrations for a twleve hour ride. A funny Friday with heads and heads and heads begging for a change. One slip of tainted perforation and bodies blur, cigarettes sail, and colors trail.
No god. No diety, just science. Beautiful, mysterious, tangible science.
No revelation, just realization.
If there is an itch, it will be scratched. Maybe not by the itching, maybe not right away, but it will be scratched.
The music I love doesn't need drugs. I groove sober. I groove fucked. I groove.
We live with images of what we can never truly be, but we strive to reach that kodak moment to show all our friends. Is that a carrot at the end of the string?
Since Friday morning I've been geeling like a fucking junkie. I have a bruised vein on my right arm, black circles under my eyes, an awkward shuffle when I walk, and an attention span that rivals an unmedicated first grader with ADD. Saturday was the worst.
I don't like to play with opiates. Hydrocodone and other variants of it all have nasty side effects for me. I get withdrawl really bad and I don't accomplish anything while I'm fucked up. At least when I'm stoned I can get shit done. If I'm drinking, I can still do homework. Opiates just fuck me up in an unpleasant way after the initial effects. Saturday, I took a vicodin in the early morning and went back to bed. When I got up a few hours later I went about my business with the junkie shuffle in full effect. Around 4 pm I hopped into the shower to ready for Jay's party and started to withdrawl since it had been about 11 hours since I last popped a pill. I sat on the shower floor for about 10 minutes trying to gather my head and not puke. Pleasant... truely.
I made it back to my feet and crawled out of the shower, got ready for the party and went to Jag's. I cracked a Vicodin and rode with Jag to Jay's. I felt a lot better the rest of the party. Danced with the ladies, schmoozed with the necessary people and had a great time. Best of all... I looked fucking good. Haha. Amongst a slew of rich kids, I had the best suit. Even when the coat came off, I had my tie and suspenders like a crown for the pimp. I spent a total of $35 on my entire getup. God, I love Salvation Army.
Well, withdrawl is upon me, so hopefully the back of my eyelids can help me through it.
Cheers kids,
Adam
I got up at 6:30 thismorning to head to the otrhodontic surgeon and have my wisdom teeth ripped/chisled/shattered out. I've never been put to sleep for a surgery or anything... so it was kinda fun. It's like blinking and realizing that somehow you now have a mouthful of gauze and blood. After my sister's inability to handle the drugs with composure and my brother refering to the nurses as niggaz after coming out of anesthesia, my parents were quite disappointed at my suprising composure upon wakening. I want to say it's because anesthesia isn't like getting really fucked up off of other substances... so I had the pre-set "I'm really fucked up and amazing at hiding it" game going.
Haha... I had a fun conversation with Max today. It involved women and their views on men and their body hair. I used to shave everything except my scalp. everything. It began as a thing I did for water polo, then, I decided... fuck it. I don't care. So i didn't. Then I kinda thought about it... is it really fair of me to demand none or little-to-none on a girl and not give a fuck? Max brought up the idea that "if a girl doesnt want a guy with body hair, she should go pick up boys at the highschool." I thought about his logic, but didn't want to stop his flow of thought. "The only things a guy should shave are his balls... cuz no girl wants to put hairy balls in her mouth." I nearly died at the perverted visual. I then expanded his definition and said that a guy should keep trimmed and neat... it just looks better than being a chimpanzee in bed... so I'm trimming tomorrow afternoon becaaaaauuuuse....
Tomorrow is Jay's birthday party in Newport. It will either blow the roof off or just plain blow. I have my suit at the drycleaners to be picked up tomorrow and I will look good. My suit is a khaki-olive green with a charcoal grey button up, black tie, and black suspenders... The style is a blend of zootsuit and 1930's italian mafia. I'll try to bring the camera and snap some pictures. I've been looking forward to it for a few weeks. Jay filled me in that he invited 63 people (it's an invite only) and 38 of them are girls... This will be good. Our buddy Samix is Dj ing and knows how to spin some good jams. I'm gonna get my groooooove on.
Cheers
What makes people do the things they do? Why are some people driven to passionate exercise every fucking day and others sit back and feel the world run by every day in an alcoholic daze? Some people focus their life around food and the food becomes the consumer. Why do some people become so goddamn dependent upon their coffee? Why do they shove needles into their arms, blind themselves with religion, saturate in occupation, or get off on dedicating their life to saving a goat from being treated unfairly?
They are all crutches in life that we, as humans, rely on to keep from drowning in the shit that is slowly pulling us under into an early psychological grave. Maybe these crutches in a way define a piece of who we are and who we want to be.
Of course I'm speaking of these crutches before they become an addiction that could end in an early physical grave, since addiction becomes a matter of mental health in its own right.
I'm watchin Gus Van Sant's Last Days and am watching the physical and mental decay of someone who was once using drugs as an escape and now uses them in order to give their body a chemical balance it's looking for. It's sad.
I have a buddy, Josh, who was instituted last night by my friends after he started flipping out and having severe hallucinations from withdrawls. He's been slamming for a ling time now and we've all been trying to support him in ways that his parents never have or will, and he finally hit bottom and flipped the fuck out last night. He's only 16. It's really sad that he was brought up in such a fucked up situation that he had to rely on heroin to help him through, only to fall into severe addiction... reminds me a lot of Last Days' character (Kurt Cobain).
That's somewhere I don't want to be.
cheers
adam
