2 posts tagged “me”
I've stopped trying.
Well, I've successfully stopped trying and people notice when I'm not trying. They find it attractive, admirable, enviable. A conscious effort to stop trying is, in itself, trying, but let me explain. This might sound worse than it should...
I've stopped trying to be friends, I've stopped trying to agree, I've stopped stretching myself for people, I've stopped trying to do things that, in the end, won't amount to much for my success. I've stopped trying to impress people through actions that don't make me 100% content that that is what I want to be doing.
I've concentrated my life's efforts on me and the two or three close friends that I have, but even then, I think only one of them has my unbroken attention as he's always provided that for me.
Anything I do, whether it's work or pleasure, only has part of my attention. It gets enough attention to be finished, but through the process of finishing it I'm thinking about what else I'm going to work on; writing, graduate school, music...
I guess you could call it building an image for myself. I look at it like my inner self, my soul, my lifestyle, my thought processes, my essence, whatever you call it, is finally being worn on my skin, in my interactions, in my decisions.
It's a new-found sense of nihilism that I've been applying to my life since about a year and a half ago and only now am I feeling freer. My obligations are minimal. I don't feel like I owe anyone anything. I spend time with people that make me feel good, that don't hinder me and what I want to do. I've been having more fun at school because of it... people notice the guy that doesn't give a shit but somehow manages to pull off perfect scores on his papers.
I'm happy. It's a very mellow, easy-riding happiness. I'm not stretching myself across three cities, twenty friends, two jobs, and six hobbies. Schoolwork, Writing, Guitar, Movies, and Friends/Family... I like it like that.
Mammoth was sweet. Foot of powder fell the night before and there wasn't a soul on the hill. No lines, no bunnies sitting in the middle of the slopes, and no dickheads riding around like assholes.
Here's some pictures:
The Canyon Lodge. Mammoth is fucking huge. They have like two or three lodges for one resort.
Me and Mom. Our 'before the hill' pictures. I was told I look like a Colombian Cocaine Guerilla with my bandana up and my camoflauge boarding pants on.
The scenery going home. I think the structures are an old prison out in the middle of nowhere off the 395, but I'm not positive.
