25 posts tagged “school”

I've stopped trying.
Well, I've successfully stopped trying and people notice when I'm not trying.  They find it attractive, admirable, enviable.  A conscious effort to stop trying is, in itself, trying, but let me explain. This might sound worse than it should...

I've stopped trying to be friends, I've stopped trying to agree, I've stopped stretching myself for people, I've stopped trying to do things that, in the end, won't amount to much for my success.  I've stopped trying to impress people through actions that don't make me 100% content that that is what I want to be doing.

I've concentrated my life's efforts on me and the two or three close friends that I have, but even then, I think only one of them has my unbroken attention as he's always provided that for me.

Anything I do, whether it's work or pleasure, only has part of my attention.  It gets enough attention to be finished, but through the process of finishing it I'm thinking about what else I'm going to work on; writing, graduate school, music...

I guess you could call it building an image for myself.  I look at it like my inner self, my soul, my lifestyle, my thought processes, my essence, whatever you call it, is finally being worn on my skin, in my interactions, in my decisions.

It's a new-found sense of nihilism that I've been applying to my life since about a year and a half ago and only now am I feeling freer.  My obligations are minimal.  I don't feel like I owe anyone anything.  I spend time with people that make me feel good, that don't hinder me and what I want to do.  I've been having more fun at school because of it... people notice the guy that doesn't give a shit but somehow manages to pull off perfect scores on his papers.

I'm happy.  It's a very mellow, easy-riding happiness.  I'm not stretching myself across three cities, twenty friends, two jobs, and six hobbies.  Schoolwork, Writing, Guitar, Movies, and Friends/Family... I like it like that.

The Creative Writing Club has been created and had its second meeting tonight.  Since my school lacks a solid creative writing program... well, it completely lacks a program... a couple of students started up a recognized club on campus so writing majors can focus on their work outside of classwork. 
I'm really excited about it.  I think that it will be really helpful, not only in furthering my own work, but in helping me get into a writing community as well.
In February, the annual Association of Writers and Writing Programs (AWP) Conference is in Chicago.  A few of the writers from the group are going and I'm really considering it.  Despite the growth I'll experience as a writer, I'll jump on the opportunity to travel. My school offers scholarships for students that want to further their education outside of the university if the students apply... so I'm gonna apply.

Anyhoo... truckin' along.
Cheers

I had the best first day of school today.  Never have I had a first day of school go so smoothly with such an air of delight.  I parked close since my first class was at eight (still refusing to buy a parking pass), I crashed both classes that I needed (For the US Lit class, my professor emailed me the permission number yesterday since I had her last semester.  I've found that building a rapport with professors is so essential for a good university experience.  They are usually more than willing to go out of their way to help.), I kicked it with friends while we slacklined on campus, and then smoked a J on my way home.

A solid, happy day at school. 

I am so, so, so, very proud of myself.  This was the most difficult, by far, semester I've had and I think I pulled the shit off.  I was shooting for an A in The Writing Process, but Keen's only given me an A once in past classes, so a B+ is cool.

Pat on the back for Adam.

Cheers

Well, considering how much I have looming over my head for school, I'm still feeling pretty zen.

I've a twenty page memoir to finish, ten pages of creative writing to go through and finalize, a ten page biocritical essay on Allen Ginsberg to hop back onto, and I've two finals to study for. Two weeks to finish all this, I think I can do it if I allot my time well.

Gah!
School makes me want to bite someone. No one in particular. Preferably someone who wont fight back. Perhaps someone who's been bitten before (so they know what to expect).  They should be relatively clean or have handi-wipes available to wash off the place I want to bite. Where doesn't really matter. Fleshy, rather sensitive, concealable -- don't want them to be walking around with visible bite marks.

My professor just stumbled over her narrow high-heels and ate shit in the class room! Wow that was fun.

I hear a thud and turn around to the sight of my teacher flopped on the classroom floor. Fucking classic.

Today I'm sitting in the Women's Center after our 8 am meeting doing homework. I've to write a bio-critical essay on Allen Ginsberg. I'm not sure what a bio-critical essay is, but hopefully I can figure that out soon. However, I am enjoying reading about Ginsberg. I've been looking at the lives of writers and seeing how they live, what they do, what their writing process is. Basically, what should I be practicing. One thing that I want to do is not only write more, but get involved in a literary circle -- get involved with other people who write so I can have other writers to bounce ideas and my writing off of. Ginsberg had Burroughs, Kerouac, Cassidy, and a few others that he sent his works in progress to for feedback. Apparently the feedback did him well. Perhaps that's what I need.

So here's the contents of my pockets today:

- My favorite black Parker pen. These things have the best click of any pen. Ever.

- A white bic lighter

- A black-ink bic pen with its cap. (having a cap on these is a rarity. They usually get lost)

- A microwavable churro wrapper

- A Fender thin pick

- A dull black Sharpie

- My work schedule written on a folded Post-It

- Carmex lip goo (which I will apply now)

- My digital Camera

- My phone

- My wallet

Adam's pulling an all nighter tonight!!!! Wooooo!! This is gonna be lame. I gotta go to work, try and convince them to let me go early around 10, finish a paper for my Lit Theory, begin and finish a paper for my Feminsm course, and begin and finish a paper for my linguistics class... fabulous.

Wow... it's been nearly a month since I publicly updated.
Time is stubborn. It is selfish -- never giving. Time is dauntless toward change in progression; even change in deterioration.  For me, time has only quickened pace and kicked up dust these past few months.  I've been busy with school, work, and family, mostly, and trying to fit friends, fun, and Keely in wherever I can.  My Women's Studies class is turning out to be really interesting, comfortable material, but has a work load that surpasses my past two semesters combined.  Criticism in Literature is a brilliant class, but the reading is pretty hard and the concepts are new to me.  Science is a joke, so far, and my Linguistics course is interesting, but dry as hell. School's good.

Work, however, I'm coming to a violent conclusion... I'm gonna pop my manager in the mouth. I feel like I'm being dicked out of a transfer to Temecula.  After being deemed a 'C-Team Player' for the store by managers I've worked with in Temecula (*note: I've never received a review that made me out to be anything less than an 'A-Team Player'), my current managers have yet to back me up and correct the powers that be in Temecula. I don't understand why they aren't helping me out. I'm then placed in the predicament where, if I don't get the transfer, I'm trapped when I thought I could escape, and if I do get the transfer, I'm walking into a situation where I'm not viewed upon very highly. LAAAAAME.

I'm still stuck on Keely. I haven't gotten to see her as often as usual since her schedule changed, which is also lame, but even in the space between us I still feel an immense draw toward her. Not a minute has gone by since our first date where I haven't thought of Ms. Keelypants. What I'm struggling with is how I should label my emotion for her. I've been in love once, and it was somewhat twisted. A relationship where I couldn't see clearly or get a grip on the situation. The same positive emotions are present while the twisted aren't. I don't know... this is a lot harder to define than I thought.